Totally Unauthorized

A side of the film industry most people never see.

Oh, Crap!

I forgot it was Halloween tonight, and didn’t get any candy on the way home from work.

Of course, I got ambushed as I tried to get from the car to the front door (I almost made it, too).

“Trick or Treeeeet!” yelled a fairy princess (I think she was a fairy princess – she could have also been Prom Night Barbie with a plastic scepter or a slutty party-going socialite with a misshapen golf club). “Give me something good to eat!”

I rummaged through my paper bag of take-out sushi (some nights I’m too tired even to open a can), trying to stall for time.

“Um.. let me see here… what do I have… You can have a salmon roll or… Miso soup! Yum!”

Dammit, why don’t they give you fortune cookies in Japanese restaurants? I could have made a run for it while she was distracted.

“MOMMY! She’s trying to give me food that’s not in plastic! And sounds yucky!”

Aw, fuck.

Mommy said “Leave the nice lady alone, honey”, but still glared at me as she hustled the kids past, and kept shooting me dirty looks until I slunk into the house.

So I guess now I’m the weirdo that tried to give a kid sushi on Halloween.

I should have offered her my wire-strippers. Or a cube tap.

Filed under: Non-Work

9 Responses

  1. Dave2 says:

    Or you could have simply screamed “TRICK” in her face and watch her cry. It may sound cruel, but princesses need to be prepared for the fact that you don’t always get everything you ask for. Unless your daddy is head of a major motion picture studio, in which case you get anything you want.*

    * At least until her sex video hits the internet.

  2. Rarity says:

    I forgot too, so I answered:
    “It’ll have to be a trick, then ’cause I don’t have any treats”
    The shocked little monsters gaped: “really?”
    – “Yes, I’m sorry, I forgot…”
    -“oh… – sulk- ”

    Anyway the cube tap lookes kinda tasty, looks like licorice or fudge or a huge black winegummy… (*doing the look and sound of Homer thinking of donuts…*)

    Nice blog, btw. I’ll be back!

  3. Neil says:

    Yes, from now on all the neighborhood kids will know you as “the crazy lady.” I had the opposite problem — I bought candy. I bought a funny mask. I stayed home on Halloween. And not one kid. Where was everyone?

  4. Catherine says:

    Could have been worse. You could have had nothing with you except porn and an eight ball of coke. Then again, you’re not Mickey Rourke…or ARE YOU??!

  5. Swedish Girl says:

    Hi! I stumbled across your blog during an aimless walk-about and got stuck.

    About Halloween: I was in the same situation as Neil. All those sweets and no-one to treat but myself.

    Are the neighbourhood kids being warned off me? It’s a bit like Bo Radley.

    (But only a bit.)

  6. Merujo says:

    I live in a little apartment building (only 8 apts in the whole place) and we rarely get any kids. Still, I bought a couple of bags of candy, just in case. I tied a wooden Dia de los Muertos skeleton to my door knocker, and lo and behold, a tiny Mexican princess showed up in a crown, a flourish of scarves, and jingling bells at her ankles, babbling at me in excited Spanish. I guess she figured if I was festooning the door with the requisite distinctive skeleton I probably was Mexican, too. I just smiled and held out the bowl of M&Ms.

    Later, I heard kids talking about the “gordita… latina…” outside the building, and I had a ton of cute Spanish-speaking kidlets parade by all evening. Made my night. No excess candy to tempt me, and some real cool homemade costumes to see. :-)

  7. AJ Gentile says:

    TWO MEASILY KIDS. That’s all I got.

    Now I have a huge bowl of Kit-Kats and Twix bars.

    :crunch, crunch:

    I af djk oaaoeiwio lovea aoieh hallaoweoaeooeeen.

    Sorry about that. I was typing with my mouth full.

  8. Roscoe says:

    Living in the farmlands of Indiana, you get possibly a dozen or so trick or treaters. My brother and family moved recently to a nearby town. He thought four bags of candy would prepare them for visitors. A pushover for kids, he’d give each kid four fun sized treats. The word spread quickly and their house was besieged. He and his wife took turns scrambling to the grocery for more than twenty bags. It’s interesting to see behind the TV and movie screen. I enjoy your blog.

  9. I should have come trick or treating by your place dressed as IATSE. hee hee. (ok, only other techie geeks will think that is humorous at all).

    I live in an apatment building, that until recently, I never would have thought any kids live in. We have one little baby in the whole whole building. No one came to my door… but it does give me the idea to see what would happen if there were trick or treaters in our building next yr. maybe i’ll borrow some kids… or i’ll have to dress up myself.

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