Totally Unauthorized

A side of the film industry most people never see.

Attack of the Teenagers

For the rest of the show, we’re going to be shooting in a high school in the San Fernando Valley. Although the school goes on Christmas break next week, for the next two days it’s full of students.

I’ve managed to spend most of my adult life avoiding teenagers. Even the ‘teenage’ extras in our movie are actually in their 20’s due to restrictions about working minors long hours.

These actual teenagers would stick their heads into the room that we had our equipment or into the set (us, grip, camera, sound, wardrobe, beauty* and video village** all in a medium sized classroom) and demanding to be put in the movie, be given something off the craft service table or to meet one of the actors:

Teenager 1: “Ohmygod, I HAVE to be in your movie. Put me in your movie!”

Teenager 2: “That actor is so superhot – you have to put me in the movie now! Ohmygod!”

Teenager 3: “Give me some of that food! What do you mean you don’t have enough?”

Teenager 4: “Ohmygod, that actor is so totally superhot! Ohmygod – what’s he like?”

Teenager 5: “Hey, put me in the movie! Hey! HEY!! Why are you ignoring me?”

Me: “Look, I’m just an electrician. The biggest favor I can do for you is to tape down all my cables so that you don’t trip and fall on your ass in front of that so totally superhot actor (who, for the record, is cute in that non-threatening boy kind of way, but I’d hesitate to call him ‘superhot’. Maybe I’m just old).”

Teenager 5: “Ohmygod! I so totally need to be whatever you are so I can get put in the movie.”

Me: “Fine, call me when you get your union card and I’ll give your number to my boss.”

Teenager 5: “BITCH!!!”

If I’d ever wanted kids, today would have killed that desire. Like totally. At least they were all gone by about 4 pm.

Today was only 12 hours, due to the producer cracking the whip, and we finished everything on the call sheet, which is a good thing – no added work tomorrow.

*Beauty, sometimes called “Primp and Crimp” is the hair and makeup departments.

**Video Village is the monitor where the director, producers et al. sit and watch what’s being shot. It’s always in our way.

Filed under: Work

8 Responses

  1. Anonymous says:

    Just saw from your MySpace that you and I have “American Dreams” in common. There was an experience I’d just as soon not repeat, as far as the work environment. As usual: a lot of great people doing a full days’ work to try put out a good show, and assholes at the top who wouldn’t take “yes” for an answer.

  2. Dave2 says:

    All I can say is that if you ever end up working on set with Elizabeth Hurley or Sandra Oh again, I had BETTER be the first call of your day! I’m not totally unreasonable here… you don’t have to put me in the movie or anything… just their trailer would be fine.

  3. Charli says:

    OMG like that was, like, so hot reading how, you know, like, how hot that actor is, you know, on the studio. ***please excuse me for a moment, I need to throw up. Gaaaaaaump. Ah, must better. I’m from the South and here is how it would have gone:

    Excuse me, ma’am, anything I can do to help so maybe I can be in your movie?

    Charli

  4. sissyfuss says:

    is saying “ohmygod” like burning the flag?

  5. Peggy Archer says:

    Anon – “American Dreams” did indeed suck ass. The riggers called that UPM/Producer lady “Strap-on” (as in ‘she’s fucking me’).

    Oh, Dave… I’m waiting to see “Dave’s Lego Xmas Special” on TV – after which Liz and Sandra will be begging for your phone number!

    Charli – I refuse to believe that teenagers anywhere are much different from these – the slang is probably just different.

    Sissy – when you say “Ohmygod” every 10 seconds it is, in fact, exactly like burning a flag.

    Today, two girls were having a conversation just outside of the set. It went like this:

    “Is that totally supercute actor in that room?”
    “He so is.”
    “Ohmygod.”
    “Ohmygod.”

    Actually, it’s a technique – repeating the same word or phrase over and over for emphasis or humorous effect.
    You like totally should know that. Ohmygod.

  6. Personally, I find that younger kids are fine if they’re not yours and you’re allowed to hit them.

    However, teenagers are a completely different story. There are the occasional quiet and respectful ones, but you never see them because they stay out of your way if you’re busy. And the annoying ones complain even more than the little ones when you hit them. Best to avoid/ignore completely.

  7. Indigo says:

    Ah, the joys of teenagers. You can’t live with them, you can’t kill ’em. Keep up the great blog. It is thoroughly enjoyable.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I know sometimes we take over a community to do our craft and I try to be as polite as I can be. But when the key is directing me on setting color or a floppy and you have some local yokal in your ear going what movie are you making?, and trying to get as much info out of you as they can. it takes every thread in my being not to slap them or say, ” shut the fuck up, I’m working here!!!” or . How would you like me going in your office and saying “Is that a TSP report you”re doing?”.

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