Totally Unauthorized

A side of the film industry most people never see.

Holiday Checklist

I’m off for a few days to visit the family.

Since I’ve been on a movie set for the past few weeks, I thought I’d write myself a reminder list – since I’m sure I’ve forgotten how to behave around folks who don’t think farts are funny.

1. “Hey, motherfucker” is not an appropriate greeting.

2. The dessert course is not the “Abbey Singer*”.

3 The proper response to someone passing gas is not to stand and applaud.

4. If someone asks me to do something, do not reply with “Copy that**”.

5. Don’t inhale dinner – I’ve got more than half an hour to eat***.

6. When we’re almost done opening presents, do not yell “This and two moves us to pie!+”

7. I do not have ‘cinematic immunity’ in my rental car++.

8. If my mother manages to drag me to church on Christmas eve (she’s usually unsuccessful, but she does try), I do not get night premium.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

I’ll be back on December 28th.

*Abbey Singer was a famous assistant director from ‘old Hollywood’ who was famous for saying “just one more shot, just one more shot”. Now, the second to last shot of the day is called the Abbey Singer. The last shot is called the martini. Okay, it was a lame joke. Merry fucking Xmas.

**Walkie-talkie speak. “Copy that” means “I’ve understood what you’ve said.”

***You can always spot film production folks in restaurants – we inhale our food, faces a few inches off the plate, eating as fast as we can. It’s from years of only having a half hour for lunch. The faster you eat, the more time you’ll have to sleep on the lift gate of the truck.

+More production-speak. “This and two moves us” means, well, this shot and two more moves us to wherever we’re supposed to be next.

++ “Cinematic Immunity” refers to film crews flagrantly breaking traffic laws in front of police officers, and not getting busted.

Filed under: Work

6 Responses

  1. Dave2 says:

    Wait a second!

    Since when is “hey, motherfucker!” not an acceptable greeting?!?

    Did I miss a memo or something?

  2. Justin says:

    So if the dessert course is the Abby Singer, what’s the martini? Liquor and joints?

  3. Anonymous says:

    Copy that lady!

    Have a great holiday- sleep in, eat slow, take more naps, and enjoy the peace of not having someone sqwaking directly in your ear.


  4. Meg says:

    Ah, you can’t beat those grip truck naps. Snuggle up on the lift gate with a furnie pad, and catch some zzzz’s. Someone took a picture of me napping on the grip truck on a location in St Jovite Canada, dreams of duvateen dancing in my head (grin) Merry Christmas!

  5. sissyfuss says:

    alright! that’s christmas one half.

  6. Charli says:

    It’s good to hear that your twenty will be with your family. Merry Christmas, you little freak*.


    *”little freak” is a term of endearment, my term of course…

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