Totally Unauthorized

A side of the film industry most people never see.

Confidentiality Agreement for a Stupid, Stupid Product.

This isn’t the entire document (a bit more legalese than I’m in the mood to type), but one particularly choice excerpt:

Feedback: Notwithstanding any other provision in this agreement, if Recipient provides any ideas, suggestions or recommendations to Company regarding confidential information, Company is free to use and incorporate such feedback in Company’s products without payment of royalties or other consideration to Recipient, so long as Company does not infringe Recipient’s patents, copyrights or trademark rights in the feedback.

Well, that’s just… Wait a minute … What?

So if I make a suggestion to improve the Stupid, Stupid Product (“you know.. you should make these with an extra long headset cord so that people can cram the entire unit up their asses. That way, they wouldn’t risk mislaying them!”), and then I see my suggestion (“new and improved with ass-crammability!”) in next year’s product revisions, I’m just out of luck? I don’t even get bragging rights?

That’s just wrong, man.

All kidding aside, most of us know damn good and well that any suggestions we make will not be credited or compensated (or paid attention to, especially when it’s a suggestion that could save production time and money). That’s why most of us don’t make them – that, and it just slows things down (ad agency flak: “Ooooo… that’s a great idea! Can we cram one of these up someone’s ass? Call casting right now!” First AD: “Godammit, will you please shut the fuck up so I can see my kids sometime this week?”).

While I can’t reveal what the Stupid, Stupid Product is – I can tell you this:

Ten thousand years from now, when archaeologists are pawing through the flotsam of our civilization, they’re going to wonder what the hell was wrong with us that we had to make so many of these worthless (and non-biodegradable) things.

Couch of the Day:


Although I disabled it when I started moderating comments, I’m going to have to turn that awful ‘word-verification’ thing back on. For the past week, I’ve been getting about 15 comment spam attempts a day, and it’s wearing on my nerves.

Filed under: couches, rants, Work

July 2006

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