Totally Unauthorized

A side of the film industry most people never see.

Confidentiality Agreement for a Stupid, Stupid Product.

This isn’t the entire document (a bit more legalese than I’m in the mood to type), but one particularly choice excerpt:

Feedback: Notwithstanding any other provision in this agreement, if Recipient provides any ideas, suggestions or recommendations to Company regarding confidential information, Company is free to use and incorporate such feedback in Company’s products without payment of royalties or other consideration to Recipient, so long as Company does not infringe Recipient’s patents, copyrights or trademark rights in the feedback.

Well, that’s just… Wait a minute … What?

So if I make a suggestion to improve the Stupid, Stupid Product (“you know.. you should make these with an extra long headset cord so that people can cram the entire unit up their asses. That way, they wouldn’t risk mislaying them!”), and then I see my suggestion (“new and improved with ass-crammability!”) in next year’s product revisions, I’m just out of luck? I don’t even get bragging rights?

That’s just wrong, man.

All kidding aside, most of us know damn good and well that any suggestions we make will not be credited or compensated (or paid attention to, especially when it’s a suggestion that could save production time and money). That’s why most of us don’t make them – that, and it just slows things down (ad agency flak: “Ooooo… that’s a great idea! Can we cram one of these up someone’s ass? Call casting right now!” First AD: “Godammit, will you please shut the fuck up so I can see my kids sometime this week?”).

While I can’t reveal what the Stupid, Stupid Product is – I can tell you this:

Ten thousand years from now, when archaeologists are pawing through the flotsam of our civilization, they’re going to wonder what the hell was wrong with us that we had to make so many of these worthless (and non-biodegradable) things.

Couch of the Day:


Although I disabled it when I started moderating comments, I’m going to have to turn that awful ‘word-verification’ thing back on. For the past week, I’ve been getting about 15 comment spam attempts a day, and it’s wearing on my nerves.

Filed under: couches, rants, Work

13 Responses

  1. Garry_S says:

    I thought that Microsoft wasn’t releasing a new product for a few more months…

  2. according to disney, by purchasing a ticket to their parks, you give up all rights to your “image and personality”.
    So if you see your self in a disney movie you have no rights to yourself.

  3. It’s Crocs, isn’t it? They are the thing in our civilization that is steeped in eviality. I vote Crocs.

    Or the government. Tough call.

  4. Stan says:

    The CAPTCHA’s not a bad thing. It’s worth it to not have to delete all the spam.

  5. Gabe says:


    On a side note… Have you seen the trailer for Who Needs Sleep? I have it on my MySpace page, you should look in to it.

  6. Improved ass-crammability. Hilarious. I love it.

  7. Anonymous says:

    The bars on the windows of the apartment building behind today’s couch make it evident that the area is not the high-rent district.
    Bonus information: do you know what’s a sure sign that a neighborhood is really bad? When the ubiquitous Chinese take-out joints have bank-style plexiglass shields above the counters.

    Iron Rails & Iron Weights

  8. Newsguy says:

    In Scenic, which used to be local 816, but now they’ve merged with the art directors, those people aren’t just inconvenienced with crappy gadgets, they are exposed to horrible toxic stuff all the time, and they never really get enough protection. Varathane and stuff like that. And they work on fork lifts high in the air. And they even do blacklight work sometimes without proper eye protection. I know of several Scenic Artists who have actually died of cancer, and I suspect the crap they are exposed to daily. Plus all the loud screeching and banging noise in the carpenter shop. Scenic art is brutal work. And their union is now merged with the guys who are their bosses. Great arrangement.

  9. Charli says:

    Get a t-shirt and write on it with permenant marker — put down all of your ideas there and say, hey, don’t look at me, I just bought this shirt.

  10. BTL says:

    I don’t remember the last time I worked on an ad for a biodegradable product. Maybe, er, personal lubricant? Certainly not the plasticky dude running for NY State Attorney general…

  11. jmb says:

    Those confidentiality agreements always piss me off…. seriously, the products (or shows) are sooooooooooo uninspired my friends’ eyes glaze over if/when I talk about work, therefore confidentiality is moot.

  12. I’m a UCLA film student and a teacher just recomended your blog to me and I wanted to tell you I really like it (especially the couch of the day idea–I see them all the time and wonder if anyone knows where they are going/coming from-maybe you can make a coffee table book in the future!) If you have 5 seconds to check out a project I’m working on I think you might get a kick out of it:
    Thanks so much and I hope you have a great day!

  13. clark says:

    Hay… I know what it is… it is an edible prophylactic.

    Now… This is something that surely you must keep secret.

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