Totally Unauthorized

A side of the film industry most people never see.

Well, that didn’t work out quite like I’d hoped.

In one of my weaker moments, I decided to try one of those health-food store deodorants that don’t have whatever it is in Secret (TM) that gives you the Alzheimer’s.

When I’m working, I have no choice but to use the heavy-duty stuff because it’s got to last about 14 hours (sometimes longer) and the one thing that’s really unforgivable in LA is to smell like you’re actually sweating (unless you’re famous. Famous people can smell like a landfill and no one seems to care).

But, since I’m not working and can deal with any funk by hopping in the shower, I decided to see if the Tom’s of Maine stuff worked.

It certainly did it’s job, but it also gave me chemical burns in my armpits.

Frankly, I’d rather have the toxic shit that doesn’t hurt quite so much. If you’ve never had chemical burns in your pits, I can assure you it’s extremely painful.

Great. It’s 100 degrees in LA and I can’t wear deodorant under my arms, and I can’t just hide in the living room all day because my worst nightmare (well not my worst but a nightmare nonetheless) happened and I brought home fleas from the Playa Vista location (it had to be me. The cat doesn’t go outside). So now, I have to brave the heat without deodorant to go get some Advantage for the cat and flea powder for the rugs.

At least I can still go to the gym. I’m pretty sure it’s okay to be stinky there, isn’t it?

Filed under: life in LA, Los Angeles, mishaps, Non-Work

11 Responses

  1. Proto says:

    Ouch!
    Can’t run out every four hours for a shower either…
    …keep towels handy.

  2. Jen says:

    Just pretend you’re famous.

  3. Charli says:

    Baking soda? uh, take a water bottle with a spray mist wherever you go.

  4. Dave2 says:

    I received a “Tom’s of Maine” travel kit with some purchase I made. It looked fairly complete, so I tossed it in my suitcase for a trip a while back.

    Everything was horrible. The toothpaste tasted like ass. The mouthwash was atrocious. The deodorant barely worked. Even the soap was off. This came as a big surprise, because people I know totally swear by Tom’s.

    I’m guessing it must be an acquired taste, and that’s the price you pay for going “natural.” Bleh.

  5. gideon says:

    This is the best article about armpits I’ve read all day. I stopped using deoderant about 2 years ago. I feel better for it, slapping on nasty chemicals on you’re body isn’t any good. Be smelly and proud.

  6. mcrandop says:

    Try Tom’s Calendula deodorant, (not regular) I had the sameproblem, but this stuff is mild and non-irritating.

  7. russnichols says:

    Maybe just cover it up with Old Spice, which is really retro and the kind of thing some teenage boys still use. Maybe you’ll start a trend. After all, you’re in showbiz in L.A.

  8. Dan says:

    The Secret ingredient in the regular stuff is aluminum. It causes your pores to swell shut. Knowing that, I tried Tom’s. I might as well just used water. Sure, I have early signs of Alheimers, but I’d rather stand in the middle of the kitchen not knowing why I went in there than stink to high heaven.

  9. GetSheila says:

    I feel your pain. Veet ™ hair remover also leaves red, raw burns in your armpits and a feeling of pretty. I drink to thee.

  10. pickle says:

    I had the same problem with the Tom’s – it was burny itchy torture. I vowed off the deodorant altogether for awhile but summer in NYC was not conducive to my new life plan. Kiss-My-Facing is now.

  11. Anonymous says:

    wow thats rough! what doother deodarents do?

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