Sometimes, out of the blue I see something so completely out-of-place that it literally stops me in my tracks.
Like today. I was riding my bike through Hollywood enjoying the sunshine and thinking that the upside of unemployment is that I’m going to avoid catching whatever it is that’s going around this year, when I saw this:
That would be a guinea hen. Strolling down a residential street in the middle of Hollywood.
I stopped and looked with my head slightly cocked to the side – you know, like that dog in the old RCA ads – and when one of the homeowners walked out of his front door I asked what was the deal with the bird.
“Oh, it’s a turkey” he answered breezily “It’s been hangin’ out for a couple of weeks”
“You know, I’m pretty sure that’s a guinea hen.”
He looked at me and then repeated “It’s a turkey” in that slow, loud voice that you use when you’re absolutely certain the person you’re talking to is a complete idiot.
I gave up.
“Okay, it’s a turkey. Where did it come from?”
“Nobody knows. We figured it was going to be a Thanksgiving dinner and it got away. It’s just been cruising around. ”
Yeah, given the laws in Los Angeles about keeping noisy birds that can run like an Olympic sprinter on banned performance enhancing drugs, that’s probable.
Plus, it’s not a turkey. I’m 99.9% certain of this, but since I have nothing better to do with myself these days I’ll open up the floor to speculation.
a) a guinea fowl
b) a turkey
c) Rupert Murdoch
One of the other neighbors thought it was a quail and said it had been around for ‘a few days’. She’d been putting out a pan of cat food for it at night because she didn’t want it to starve but was worried that the neighborhood stray cats were chasing the bird away from the food.
You know, I’ll freely admit to being an awful person, but I gotta say that I’d pay good money to see a cat – any cat except mine, of course – fight this bird over a pie plate full of Nine Lives kibble.