Totally Unauthorized

A side of the film industry most people never see.

Wait, what?

Although all of us are pretty much used to working 12 hour days by now, there’s a huge difference between a 12 hour shooting day and a 12 hour rigging day.

Since we can’t make any noise while they’re rolling, shoot days have opportunities to slow down a bit – get off one’s feet, read the paper (out of the producer’s line of sight, of course), or just take a breather.

Rigging days aren’t like that. There’s no forced quiet, so the only time that’s there to sit down is during official break periods – usually a coffee break a few hours after call and lunchtime and the rest of the time one is working and sweating (especially during summer here in LA), so that 12 hour day really feels like a 12 hour day.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. A 12 hour day comes with a nice paycheck attached, and I’m working with a really nice group of folks that I like a lot, but adding on an hour commute each way (and time to go swim because walking on concrete floors all day kill my feet if I don’t) doesn’t leave me much time to do things like cook or clean and since I don’t want to use part of my precious down time driving to a place to eat, parking, etc… I bring my lunch.

Except I ran out of food at home and instead of purchasing ingredients and wasting perfectly good sleeping time with all that cooking nonsense, I decided to take the easy way out and buy something pre-cooked at my local market.

While I was standing in Whole Foods perusing the selection of ‘healthy’ foods and wondering why they just don’t sell plain iced coffee in a can that I can bring to work (I don’t care if it’s fair trade, I don’t like vanilla flavored coffee) when a guy sidled up next to me and apropos of nothing asked me

“When you wake up in the morning, do you ever wonder if you’ll meet a new guy that day?”

Honestly, no.

Normally when I wake up in the morning I wonder if I’m going to be able to get through the day without killing someone, but thanks for playing.

When I didn’t answer right away he asked again, and as I tried to extricate myself from the conversation by nattering about work and traffic patterns he looked sad and mumbled something about magic being missing from life nowadays.

In an uncharacteristic moment of empathy, I felt bad for him, so I used my age as an excuse.

“Well, you know… most of the guys want women under 30, so what ya gonna do?”

“Oh, is it hard out there?” he asked.

“Sometimes, but why dwell on it? Why not just live my life?”

He thought for a moment and then said “yeah. You just have to hang in there.” He started to nod his head. “Like Steve Windwood.”

Then he wandered off in the direction of the cheese, still nodding to himself.


It’s puff, puff, pass.

I quickly grabbed a salad and something that later turned out to be very dry turkey meatloaf and when I got to the check stand I mentioned the exchange to the clerk.

“Well” he asked, “did you give him your number?”

You know, I hadn’t even realized what was going on. Although I’d love to use the ‘tired’ excuse for missing it, I think we may have a winner for most obtuse pick up line, well, ever.

Filed under: life in LA, Work, , , , , , ,

10 Responses

  1. Cat says:

    Obtuse yes, but I think I’d take that any day over this beauty…

    Missouri- A truck stop diner.

    2 men, both sans front teeth, both eating grits on a styrofoam plate.

    The elder of the two leans over to me and says, (and I quote)…

    “Hey baby, he ‘unts a breed wif you”

    Wow… I was speechless…shocking , I know

  2. Michael Bell says:

    Technically meeting someone “new” would mean meeting a newborn baby. But yeah, that line is pretty obtuse.

    It never registers with me when I’m being hit on unless it’s outright obvious. And in the rare times this does occur, I just presume the person is a lunatic for doing so and move on.

    The voices in my head have been a pretty reliable bullshit detector.

  3. meg says:

    “pickup on aisle 8! pickup on eight!” I never did understand getting hit on at the market. Usually people are there for a really mundane purpose, like buying toothpaste, and picking up a new person isn’t on the list.

  4. JCW says:

    Turkey meatloaf at Whole Foods… could have told you it would be dry – and it would have made a better pickup line.

    I’ve never been hit on in a market, but for some reason whenever a family member is ill and I’m spending a lot of time in hospital, I inevitably get hit on by a male nurse.

    Apparently I’m a nurse magnet.

  5. Chuck says:

    I pegged it as a pick-up line immediately — but an exceedingly lame one. Steve “Windwood” confirmed the lame-osity.

  6. Charli says:

    First of all, he’s at Whole Foods, which means he’s a tree hugger, flower-child, hippy (don’t jump at me people, I’m generalizing here); second of all, when you wake up in the morning, only one thought comes to mind:

    No earthquake, tornado, hurricane, still here…

  7. nezza says:

    Awww! LOL

    My cousin was involved in a car accident on a motorway (three-lane freeway) – in the fast lane I think – and was asked out by the person who’d hit her car. LOL.

    I got asked out by the guy who re-fit my bathroom. And also by a postman. (It would never have worked. I’m a night-owl rather than an early bird. haha.)

  8. If he was worth it, the spark would have flared, and you would have realized what was going on and responded. Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet. Enjoy it for one of those odd little life moments.

  9. geekhiker says:

    “Normally when I wake up in the morning I wonder if I’m going to be able to get through the day without killing someone, but thanks for playing.”


    That’s so much my day I may just have to get it printed on a t-shirt!

    As for the pick-up, I thought you were supposed do that over in the produce section (you know, melons and all)… ;)

  10. Jedediah says:

    You live in Hollywood/west hollywood area, correct? That’s where all the wanna be pickup artists practice. Expect strange interactions with reforming introverts.

    This season of dirty sexy’s been the first to scale us back from 12+ hour rigging days. Last season even included an 18 hour wall hump. We came in earlier and left later than first unit.
    Of course, they’re paying the price on production, whose call on a wednesday was 3pm, thanks to a 19 hour monday. 8 hour days… did I just get a defective show?

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