Totally Unauthorized

A side of the film industry most people never see.

Damn you internet… again.

After having a very fun time in Tahoe, I proceeded to drive to Napa and spent three days with my sister washing down all the fatty, fatty food with a horrifying amount of wine.

I think I gained three metric tons, but I had a great time, even if the massages my sister wanted to get Sunday left me with a very stiff left shoulder; which massages always seem to do because of the fractured scapula I got as a teenager when said sister threw me down the stairs (which I’m sure I richly deserved). Or maybe it was from falling off a horse (which I also did fairly often). Not really sure anymore. The ER visits all seem to blur together.

Note: To those of you who think female children are easier to raise, you should have been in the house with the three teenage girls, all of whom were ‘blessed’ with an Irish temper and taught to box by our father – supposedly so we could protect ourselves from “mashers”, but I suspect Dad just wanted a sparring partner and had the bad luck to have no sons.

I left Monday morning, drove down the I-5 (not pretty, but fast) and arrived home to a very pissed off cat and no internet.

Part of the reason it took me three days to troubleshoot is the low tolerance I’ve got for that horrible customer service-bot thing that tries to sound like a real person but really just makes me homicidal:

Me: “Tech Support”

Customer Service Bot: “I’m sorry. I didn’t understand that. Can you say it using other words?”

Me: “TECH. SUPPORT. There is no way to re-phrase that”

Customer Service Bot: “I’m sorry. I didn’t understand that. Can you say it using other words?”

Me: “TECH. NIC. AL. SUP. PORT”

Customer Service Bot: “Did you say you were having trouble with your home phone service?”

Me: “I said die in a fire, motherfucker!!!!”

Customer Service Bot: <click>

Me: “GAHHHHHH!!!!”

I’m posting this from the gym, where I struggled through what should have been an easy workout. Hopefully it’s just all that booze working its way out.

If, in about an hour, you hear a really, really loud obscenity (and it’ll be so loud you’ll probably be able to hear it from space), you’ll know my internet’s not back on yet.

Filed under: Non-Work, travel

3 Responses

  1. David H. says:

    Best. Temper escalation. Ever.

    I laughed so hard I have tears in my eyes. Hope you get it working again. I think this just made my night.

  2. Meg says:

    When faced with these kind of tech support bot phone calls, I start off by almost yelling “CUSTOMER SERVICE” and keep repeating “CUSTOMER SERVICE” until a human gets on the line. It usually works. I like to think that it works.

  3. geekhiker says:

    Working in IT, technical support bots are the bane of my existence. Especially because I’m usually calling about a very specific matter, whereas the bot is playing to the lowest common denominator. Usually I’ll just keep saying “Agent” until I get someone, but even then I’ve spent hours wading through menus just to reach an actually human being.

    And even then it’s usually the wrong person anyway.

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