Totally Unauthorized

A side of the film industry most people never see.

Guess I’m playing for the other team now.

I had a cat for a very, very long time. I got her when she was 6 weeks old and had her for 17 years. She was my best friend, and once-in-a-lifetime special.

Since she passed away, the house has seemed weird and empty, but every time I went to adoption events and looked at the kittens they didn’t measure up and it just hurt too damned much.

So now I’ve gone completely off the deep end and am getting a dog.

Actually, I’m technically just a foster home for the 10 lb terrier mix so I can figure out if this dog thing is for me or not.

I’m still not sure.

They do seem like an awful lot of fuss, and today, as I stood in the middle of Petco, I realized I have no idea what dogs like.

I know they like sniffing crotches and rolling in filth, but who doesn’t, really?

But toys? Once I get out of the squeaky mouse aisle I’m kind of lost.

Ditto chewy bones. Why the hell are there so many different kinds of fucking fake bones to chew? Are dogs really that picky?

Does the blue one taste like a different kind of ass than the red one?

And the clothes. For dogs.

Jesus tap-dancing Christ, people. We live in Southern California. The fucking dog has a fur coat. It does not in any way, shape, or form need a parka.

Or shoes.

Or sunglasses.
Or a novelty sombrero.

Okay, maybe the sombrero.

At the checkout, a fellow customer accused me of animal abuse because I mentioned I thought the dog would be fine without a wardrobe.

And I thought cat people were crazy.

Filed under: california, dog, life in LA, Los Angeles, Non-Work, pets, , , , ,

6 Responses

  1. chucksnuc says:

    Well done, Ms. Archer!
    Get a bed for sleeping w/ you in your bedroom. Maybe one for your dining/TV room if you spend much time there. Suzy’s BR one has a 5″ high 5″ wide border on one half for her to circle/curl up. The living room on is just flat.
    Get a 6′ lightweight leash in order to take her (bitches are less consternation than boys) on runs while giving you slack for human/dog positioning.
    10 lb. sounds puppy. That dog will chew/play anything. Take lots of pix. Lots. Start a folder in your photo catalog app (Lightroom). And not just iPhone pix; long lens beauty, power-wind action sequences, soulful close-ups, etc.
    Kong balls bounce funny and some dogs love it. Suzy; not really, the stuck-up Taiwanese bitch.
    Eat enough meat (w/ bones) to save the bones in a freezer bag until you have enough to make some stock. Include ALL the fat you would have discarded. And when you make that stock, let the dog eat it over a week or so w/ her dry food. Don’t YOU eat it , as it will be better than any stock you make for yourself.
    Find areas nearby where she can romp off-leash. Good luck w/ that. She wants lots of run/play/sniff. We take Suzy on two walks/day, and one is a biggie; not just around the neighborhood.
    Tell your puppy the rules NOW, and be unambiguous in tone and facial expression w/ maybe some judicious slaps across the nose.

    Now in your ofttime you will have fodder for many dispatches and photos. I’m looking forward to it.

    • Peggy Archer says:

      Not a puppy. Two years old. And potty trained. Very important.

      • chucksnuc says:

        2 years: could be phasing out of puppyhood and its zany behavior, ………. or not.
        Re potty training: Suzy has set up zones for that in the backyard, but prefers to do that out in the world. After all, her bone chewing zone is in the yard, and she says, “I don’t shit where I eat!”

  2. JD says:

    A tired dog is a well behaved dog. Daily walks, find a dog park to take her to for needed socialization. A bored dog is a mischievous dog.

  3. Wonderful post. Almost made me spit my wine out all over the computer…

    Dogs are great, but not very practical for the single itinerant film worker. Being very social animals, they need a lot of attention. You just got home from a 14 hour day on location and an hour suffering on the 405 — and all you want is have a stiff drink and a shower? Doesn’t matter — the dog must be taken for a walk to sniff every bush, telephone pole, and fire hydrant while checking his/her P-mail. Getting up at 4 a.m. to make that 7:00 call way out in East Bumfuck? Better allot a half hour to feed and walk the dog… and even then the pooch will look at you with big sad, guilt-induing “you’re leaving me forever” eyes as you head out the door.

    And a dog inside your apartment, alone and untended for those 14+ hours? That’s trouble…

    So you find a good doggy day-care service and/or dog walker to keep the dog happy and well-exercised while you work… but just how much are you prepared to spend? Because it ain’t cheap. A gaffer friend of mine was given a young dog while working on location in Oklahoma, and brought it home to Hollywood. He treated the dog really well, taking him to doggy day-care or having dog-walkers come every day that he worked. Over drinks one night, we did the math… and in the 14 years that Hollywood dog lived the good life, my buddy figured he’d spent a grand total disturbingly close to fifty thousand dollars for doggy day-care and dog walkers.

    That’s a down-payment for the house my buddy always wanted, but never could afford. Now he’s 60 years old and still in the same old apartment.

    I’m not saying owning a dog is a bad idea, and maybe you can make it work, but unless you have some serious help, having a dog in the Big City is neither cheap nor easy.

    But maybe that’s the price of true, unconditional love…

    • chucksnuc says:

      MR. Taylor is right.
      We are a good set-up for Suzy; two free-lancers, and my wife is most always home. We can tag team on walks, etc.
      I had a great dog that had it great back in the 90’s. I lived alone, but in a house on the edge of the wilderness in Tujunga. Ruby (Shephard/Chow – 55 lbs.) would say, “Later” from the front porch as I took off for work. Throughout the day she would wander to the six other houses on my cul-de-sac, cruise the forest/scrub that was around all the homes, and just be sort of a domestic wild dog. I once even saw her across the small canyon hanging/walking w/ about 4 coyotes! This was pre-dog door days; she would usually just be sitting on the front deck when I came home.
      But Mr. Taylor is right about urban bitches. And owners; I now carry shit bags on all walks. We adapt to our situation.
      Do this:
      -dog door on the back door so she can have variety and relief throughout the day.
      -marry a free-lancer who works out of the house.
      -bump up this blog shit and start selling advertising.
      -move to a semi-rural area and do as I did in Tujunga. (Must have a stable dog and cool neighbors.)

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